[AI] Forwarded message.

muhammad deen fakhruteacher at gmail.com
Thu Apr 22 14:19:09 EDT 2010

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Trepan Singh <ts.negi00 at gmail.com>
Date: Thu, 22 Apr 2010 17:43:24 +0530
Subject: [SayEverything] Ask the expert
To: sayeverything at yahoogroups.co.in, kapil0912 at gmail.com, vikram.rasik at gmail.com

Q My partner and I want to spice things up in the bedroom and would like to
use sex toys. However, we've heard that though it is okay to own them, it is
illegal to buy or import them. If we can't get sex toys here, what can we
use instead?
Shivani, Mumbai

A Under Indian law, importing and buying sex toys is banned. However, they
are illegally available at various 'sex' stores on the streets, particularly
in Mumbai's Fountain and Fort areas.
Spicing up one's sex life isn't just about sex positions-that would be mere
acrobatics! Rather, 'spice' comes from the creative and mental processes
that too few use to add zing to their love life. Varying postures and trying
devices, like vibrators, dildos, dolls and what-have-you, is one method of
increasing excitement. But how about using your mind to arouse each other?
Because great sex is more often mental than merely physical. Humans are
psychosexual creatures and the mind in itself can make heaven out of hell or
hell out of heaven!
Imagination, visualisation and fantasy are great tools that you can use to
enhance pleasure. Let your thoughts run wild and fantasise. Then develop the
daring to talk your partner into your imaginary world. However, to do this,
you need to be uninhibited and this can only happen if you don't worry too
much about what he'll think of you. After all, there's nothing immoral about

Q  I am 32 years old and I had my first baby six months ago. According to my
doctors, my sex drive should be back to normal by now. But, unfortunately,
it isn't. I don't feel like having sex and my husband keeps pressurising me.
Is there something I can take or do to enhance my libido? It has started
affecting my marriage and I am really concerned.
Tarana, Kochi

A Are you taking motherhood too seriously? Or are you one of those women
(some men fall prey to this idea too) who subscribe to the philosophy that
after motherhood, one can't be a sexually functioning being?

I'm assuming that all your hormone levels are back to normal. Fatigue could
be the culprit. What with nursing and tending to the baby's needs, low
energy may be your constant companion. And guess which one wins in the
battle between sleep and sex? Taking time out is important for your health
and well-being, both sexual and otherwise. Yes, the newborn is important,
but let her/him not become the all-encompassing feature of your existence.
Many a time, new mothers are so preoccupied and take their new role so
earnestly, that they forget that there are other facets to living-as a
couple and an individual.

Without blaming your husband for his needs, do what you can to pleasure him.
A sexual connection need not always necessitate mutual desires and/or
timing. Neither is it necessary to have vaginal intercourse. With all your
attention lavished on your baby, he may be feeling neglected, and for him a
sexual connection could be the only way to feel that he still belongs to
you. Men do feel threatened by the presence of a third person, even if that
person is their own progeny. Keep that in mind and your relationship could
go to another level. Good luck!

Q My husband and I enjoy rigorous and passionate sex. However, it once got
so out-of-hand that we managed to fracture his penis while I was riding him.
He's out of the hospital and has recovered sufficiently to have sex again.
How do we ensure that it doesn't happen again? Is there any medication that
can reduce our passion or any positions we could try? Please help.
Sonya, New Delhi

A Penile fracture is a rare condition, with most of the trauma being caused
to the penis when it is erect. This happens when the impact on the penis
against the woman's pelvic bone is severe and usually occurs with the
woman-on-top position.
No, there is no medication to reduce passion and even if there were, why
would you want to take it? This accident is a one-off and focusing on it
will make both of you overly conscious during lovemaking. Enjoy each other
and vary methods. Sitting, standing, missionary position, etc, are often
male-dominant positions and the collision against the penis is much less,
reducing the likelihood of fractures.
As for your satisfaction, why concentrate only on the penis as the means to
gratification? Make use of other ways to have passionate sex-use the tongue,
fingers, toes or any part of the body that can aid in fiery lovemaking.
Using these methods to excite an orgasm can be as satisfying; the only thing
that needs to be altered is the mindset. Once that's in order, there'll be
no holding back the fervor.

Q I am a 33-year-old divorcee and last year I registered on a marriage
website. I was extremely attracted to one of the men I met and we had a
night of passionate sex. However, the very next day he turned around and
said that he didn't want to marry someone who was willing to sleep with a
man without knowing him well. I was hurt, but let it pass. I have now met
someone else through the website and feel attracted to him too. I have been
holding back for two months, but I sense that he also wants what I want.
Should I sleep with him? I don't want to marry someone without knowing that
we are sexually compatible, but I also don't want to be made to feel like a
slut, which is what happened with the earlier guy.
Pria, Bengaluru

A You took your previous lover's words too personally. But let's assume the
worst-isn't it better that you got to know his outdated ideas before you got
married? The man obviously has issues. What did he think two of you were
connecting on a marriage website for-to become platonic buddies? According
to me, he was unable to express his real point of view-that he couldn't
muster enough courage to live with a woman who knew her sexual needs and
wasn't afraid to express them! You'll be surprised at how many men feel
inadequate when they have partners who are uninhibited in sexual areas. And
these 'moral' and 'virtuous' accusations become their excuses.
Testing sexual compatibility is important. Judge if your new man is
similarly prudish. One way to find out is to talk openly about your views.
How he reacts and whether he agrees will reveal how he thinks, and that will
be a good indicator of whether history will repeat itself. And if it does,
you'll just have to look harder for a sexually-liberated man.

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